Rachel's New Site

www.rachelstewart.preciousmemorials.com/index.html

A MOTHERS POEM

You see me smiling.
What you don't see is that I am screaming behind that smile.
You see me go on with everything.... work.... shopping...life in general.
What you don't see is that it takes every ounce of energy I have just to breathe.

You see me alone with my thoughts.
What you don't see is me talking to Her
you see me say, "I am fine".
What you don't see is the huge hole in my heart that can never be filled.

You see me and think, "She's back to normal".
What you don't see is that there is no normal for me anymore.
You see me and think "Oh my God I hope this never happens to me"
What you don't see is that as much as I long for you to understand me
I hope that this never happens to you either.

You see me joking and laughing with others and think she
must be getting over what has happened.
What you don't see is that I can never forget, nor would I want to,
you never get over the loss of a child.

You see me sad and don't know what to say so you keep going.
What you don't see is all I really want is for you to ask how
I am doing, really, and give me a hug.
You see that life goes on.

What you don't see is on April 18, 2005 that the life I had will
never be the same.
You see that I am strong... do not be deceived.
What you don't see is that I am weak and weary. Some days "I am 6 feet from the edge".

What you see is a mask.... a lie. The mask helps you cope with me
and me cope with myself.
What you don't see is the raw sometimes-unbearable pain.
You don't see me being unable to breathe.
What you don't see is my despair. You don't see me screaming to
heaven for God to give my daughter back.
What you don't see you could never understand anyway unless you
walk a mile in my shoes.... God Forbid.





You Never Said Goodbye

You never said I'm leaving you never said goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it, and only God knew why.

A million times I needed you, A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you, never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place that no one could ever fill.

It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone
for part of me went with you, the day God took you home.














There's a special angel in heaven,
that is a part of me.
Its not where we wanted her right now,
but where God wanted her to be,

She was here for just a short while,
like a night-time shooting star,
and though she is in heaven,
she isnt very far,

She touched the hearts of many,
like only an angel can do,
we would of held her every minuite,
if in the end we only knew,

So we send this special message,
to heaven up above,
please take care of our baby,
and send her all our love.







DADDY'S LITTLE 
    











































how we feel
Please don’t tell us you know how we feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don’t tell us our broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true, 

Please don’t tell us Rachel is in a better place,
Though it is true, we want her here with us,
Don’t tell us someday we will hear her voice,
or even see her face,
Beyond today we cannot see, 

Don’t tell us, that it’s now time to move on,
because this we can not do,
don’t tell us to face the fact she has gone,
because denial is something we can’t stop, 

Don’t tell us to be thankful for the time we had,
Because we wanted more,
Don’t tell us when we are our old self you will be glad,
we will never be as we was before, 

What you can tell us is that you will be here for us,
That you will listen when we talk about Rachel,
You can share with us her precious memories,
you can even cry with us for a while, 

And please don’t hesitate to say her name.
Because it is something we long to hear,
Please realise that we can never be the same,
but if you stand by us, your friendship we will treasure. 

 SAW THIS AND JUST KNEW YOU WOULD LOVE IT RACHEL X X X









We nearly lost Rachel when she was 3 yrs old to Meningitus, it was touch and go as to whether she would pull through, We still have vivid memories of the doctors's telling us that the next 12 hours were critical, as parent's of a young child we just felt numb.


She lay in the hospital bed on a constant drip of antibiotics, with doctors and nurses trying everything they could to keep her with us, they were constantly taking her blood and doing test's of one kind or another, it was heart wrenching to see your small child vertually on the brink of death, and there was nothing at all that we could do for her. We just prayed & prayed, that was all we could do. 


Rachel being the little fighter that she was made an amazing recovery which shocked all the hospital staff, going from being on her death bed one minute, to two day's after trying to chase her daddy down the corridor, with  drip in tow. 
  
Luckily for us she did pull through with no real problems she only suffered slight hearing problems, but to us that was nothing, at least she was still here to tell the story !! 

We feel very lucky that we were blessed with another 9yrs with Rachel, a lot of other parents don't get that chance after there children get meningitus, if lucky is now the correct word to use. 
 
Rachel was everything to us, we love and miss her terribly, Rachel passed away persuing her hobby of wildlife, she had climbed a tree trying to identify the eggs in a birds nest, unfortunately she fell, and even for Rachel as strong as she was this was one battle to many.

Rachel was due to be a bridesmaid at her eldest brother's wedding on 14th May 2005, she was looking forward to the event so much that not a day went by that she didn't talk about it, she had never been a bridesmaid before so you can understand how excited she was.
Darren and Kelly wanted to cancel the wedding because they though it was too soon, but we insisted that it went ahead because we knew Rachel would be there with us on that special day. We sent rachel to heaven in her bridesmaid dress because we know that is what she would have wanted.  If you look at the photo's we wonder where Rachel would have been stood.
well we know right at the front.
 
We now know that she can not be harmed by any one or anything on this earth, and for that we do take some comfort, although it still leaves us and her whole  family totally devestated, she will never ever be forgotton.